Break-ups can be tough because at one point you two were happy and it seemed your soul purpose was to be together until you reached that breaking point.
You kept climbing stairs that seemed to go nowhere and often felt like you two were falling in the wrong direction. But everything does happen for a reason, even if it seems more black and white than bright colors.
But fear not! As tough as it may be there is A LOT of good that can come from a break-up. You just need the right tools and support system to help make it through. And trust me, before you know it you will be back on your feet in no time. (side note: I don’t mean that you should jump into another relationship to get over it)…. Sometimes the best way to cope is to focus on yourself.
And I know what most of you may be thinking; why do I have to focus on myself? I don’t need to find myself…. or perhaps you two broke up because one significant other needs to “find himself” or “explore options” or “create a life on their own”… whichever line was tossed, you obviously took the bait. And while I believe a good wallow is a great way to start, you shouldn’t wallow forever.
Because most likely they aren’t going to sit around feeling sorry for themselves, so why should you?
Here are eight ways you can survive a breakup:
Remember that scene from Gilmore Girls? Where Rory and Dean broke up and all Rory wanted to do was keep herself busy. While that is an excellent idea, you also have to come to terms that it’s over and you should let those feelings out instead of holding it all in. As the scene continues, Lorelai tells Rory she needs to wallow. I am talking wearing pj’s all day, sitting in bed, eating nothing but gallons of ice cream, and watching sappy love movies until you want to scream and then have a good long cry. Because sometimes you just need to wallow before you feel better.
And if anyone knows how difficult being patient can be, it’s me! But trust me when I say this, no one really knows how long the pain of a break up will last. It may be weeks, it may be months, but I promise you it won’t last forever. And I can imagine right now that your heart is giving me the middle finger because it’s broken and it’s hurting and you can’t possibly imagine the pain ever going away. But one day you will wake up and you will be fine. In fact, you may even come out stronger than before. And if you think about it, if you can survive the end finale of your favorite TV show, knowing the soul-crushing realization that you may never see another episode again, well darling then you sure as hell can survive this.
Do NOT rebound:
I know many of your friends will give the advice of “just find someone new” but I highly suggest that finding a rebound is a terrible, terrible, out-right-crazy idea. The last thing you need is to dump all those “feelings” onto someone else. Who often times may be a really great person. I don’t believe that you can only move on by moving on to someone else, although the attention is great it will only last for so long before those feelings resurface. I think it’s best to just take this time to be alone, enjoy your friends. I came across this quote once it said: “There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise.” – Emery Allen. Now the best way to get over someone isn’t to get under someone else. Although a rebound may numb your broken heart, it won’t resolve it. You need to learn to focus on yourself, remind yourself who you are and what you love when you’re alone; because it is very unlikely that you will be the same person as you were when the relationship first started. And you cannot rely on a new person to create your happiness, you must learn to figure out how to be happy on your own and honey you can be! Love should not be about “finding your missing piece” it should be about finding someone to rebuild a whole new puzzle or perhaps a castle, with. Remember; chin up Princess.. or the crown slips.
Do NOT air your dirty laundry:
By that I mean, just because you are going through a rough patch doesn’t give you the right to lay it out for all of social media to see. I know that it could be difficult not to smack talk your ex but try to resist any temptation. Keep your relationship issues to yourself– for it was just that, yours. No one wants to hear about it, especially on social media. one, it makes YOU look bad and two, at one point things were good and you liked them so resist tearing them down to make yourself feel better. The point I am trying to make is to keep it classy, regardless of whether things ended good or bad. Some things are better kept to yourself.
Emotions can be powerful but that doesn’t mean you should let them consume you. Learn not to suppress your emotions. Men seem to be excellent at doing so, but in the end, I don’t think it’s very beneficial. Women, we feel everything and we allow those emotions to come forth which helps us ultimately move on a lot quicker. I think it’s best to come to terms with how you are feeling. Whether it’s sad, angry, hurt, confusion, loss… whatever you are feeling let it go, let it all out but whatever you do… DO NOT seek revenge. Don’t blame yourself or anyone else, don’t over-analyze (even though I know how difficult that can be), it is okay to reflect on those memories but don’t let it consume you completely. You need to come to terms with the fact that it is over but don’t torture yourself in the process by analyzing what should have been, could have been, and what won’t ever be. It’s time to “come on let it go. let it be. Why don’t you be you and I’ll be me” #Jamesbay
Every time something did not work out for me I would throw myself into working out or just trying to constantly be busy. Because my fear was being alone left me over-analyzing things. I found working out to be the BEST solution, why? because one, you remain healthy and active and two, when your ex sees you he will most likely wish he never let you go. And ask any girl, but that is kind of the best feeling! And although the gym and working out is kind of outside my comfort zone since I just get bored, the mental challenge helped me not only overcome this “obstacle” but also helped keep my mind distracted. But ultimately, my goal to working out just motivated me to feel good and happy about myself instead of trying so hard to please others.
Cut the cord:
I know firsthand that this can be really hard and I may need to learn to take my own advice. So here goes nothing; you may have spent days and months and years talking practically every day with this person and then suddenly… it just stops. But don’t torture yourself by “socially investigating”. By cutting the cord this gives you freedom to not become overwhelmed by what he may or may not be doing. Delete facebook, unfriend him, unfollow him, No texts, no calls, no check-ins… zero, zip, nada! Completely free yourself from anything that consists of him. The worst thing you can do is follow his every move on social media. And honey, I don’t care how strong you may say you are, his pictures and updates of his oh-so-carefully curated filtered life will trigger that emotional elephant you have worked so hard to avoid. So do yourself a favor and cut-that-cord babe.
You will find someone
One day someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. This quote really resonates with me and maybe I hope against hope, but it definitely gives me hope that it’s not the end. And really if you think about it, it’s just the beginning and a beautiful life lesson.